They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
