you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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