Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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