I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
