By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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