I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize