I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
