Ambien. No doubt about it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize