Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
