also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
