thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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