My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
