Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
