I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
