Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
