Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
