Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
