I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
