I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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