I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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