I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Are my feet made of real feet?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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