i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
