At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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