btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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