you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
