theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
