Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
