I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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