So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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