So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
