I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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