i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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