Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
