Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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