Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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