So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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