she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
