Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
