I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
