I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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