True but thats because hes a fetus.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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