I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
