he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
