i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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