The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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