I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
