I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm too high and old for this...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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