You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
