Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize