we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
