sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
