Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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