Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
