Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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