I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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