So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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