im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
