the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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