i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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