it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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