life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
