Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize