take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
