Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
