need another drink. this is the easiest way
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
