At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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