On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You ruined the universe
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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