I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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