I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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