I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
