i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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