Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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