the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize