btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm like, not good at living.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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