non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
