I feel like abortions should bother me more
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
