If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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