I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
