i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
