Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Vodka?
Forever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
