Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
