Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize