in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
