i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
