so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
worst night to have a conscience
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
