I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
