It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize